Just last night I was looking on Facebook and thought to myself, “God, there is so much evil and hate in the world. How are we to ever hope with our world in this condition?” Today He responded, “Your only hope is in Me. Your hope is I AM.”
In my relationship with God, every now and then He gives me these big “lightbulb” moments where all the details come together. I tend to see big picture and in the past I have tried to force the details. I am learning that, instead, God lets me see the big picture, then He works out the details and my only job is to be obedient. In these moments, God tends to overwhelm me for about 10-15 minutes and my mind is flooded seeing how He has connected things over the past few years. This afternoon I experienced a huge light bulb moment for me.
Six years ago this month a promise was birthed in me, and I now realize this promise is actually coming true. I recently discovered my destiny, cause, and calling (as mentioned in the last blog). Constructed solely by God, I realized that my destiny, my purpose, is “to empower people to change the world for the better”. My cause is to “provide educational opportunities”. My calling is “to learn about others through teaching, writing, and research”. Over the past few months, God has started birthing ideas in me to reach out to others and provide opportunities for fellowship. I realized that I truly enjoy learning about other people and cultures and that God has really given me a heart for people. God has also given me a true love for people, something I had been praying for. All of the sudden, I realized that these ideas were aligning with my ministry and my whole destiny statement. Everything was finally coming together. And God gently whispered “promise fulfilled”.
Six years. Six years of waiting and developing, and now it is being fulfilled. It’s not perfect and has a long way to go, but it is beginning and it is beautiful. But, ah, I realized something this evening. The promise he birthed six years ago is actually twofold, dare I call it, a double portion. Therefore, as one side begins, I have hope that the other side is not far behind. God is faithful, and He works in His own time because He knows best. He knows what we need, not what we want. Six years feels like such a long time, but what amazes me is the fact that yes, God revealed this to me six years ago, but He created this promise, developed it, long before I was ever born. He has always known my purpose. And wow is that amazing!
I finally see my hear of darkness coming into place with everything else. I realize now that that year was needed. Oh, how it was so desperately needed. It was literally a time of death. I had to let go of what I thought I wanted, of false dreams, and watch them die, watch them crumble into ash. My world was literally falling apart. But the thing is, that world I was living in was a world that I had constructed for myself. God did not cause that to happen, I did. I didn’t consult God but made my own way. I forced the details upon my own agenda. And I was absolutely miserable for it. So I had to be stripped of everything: my pride, my dignity, my broken dreams, and all my ideas of what I was. I had to die to myself. I had to learn, once again, how to make Christ not just my Savior, but my Lord. I had to let God rebuild me and give me my identity found only from Him, not my circumstances, not from the people around me, and not the ideas I had built up in my head. Just God, God alone.
Boy, has it been amazing. I can’t even describe the joy and peace I have in my heart. It is truly indescribable. I am living in God’s grace and freedom now in a way I never thought possible. A huge part of that has been God leading us to a new church. In April we began going to Dublin Bible Church and it was the craziest thing. We walked in that Sunday and as soon as the music started I felt the Holy Spirit take over inside me as God whispered, “Your home”. I prayed that Brandon felt the same way because for me, it was a done deal. Our search was over. Thankfully he did, and that is our home now. The first Sunday we were there Pastor Chad started a new sermon series over Joshua and our conquest for abundant life. Every message had fed my soul and has left me thirsting for more. Interestingly enough, this past Sunday was the final sermon in the series. Although I was not there, I realized something tonight. I am finally living in the abundant life God has for me. No, I am not perfect my any means. Yes I still struggle and fail. However, I can honestly say with confidence that I am walking in the life God has for me. I yearn for Him, I long to seek His face, and I long for His heart. I am content with where I am in life. I am at peace. And I finally see His promises being fulfilled as He is planting me in ministry right where I am today. Yes, I tend to be a dreamer and see big picture, but what is amazing to me is to see God working out the details right in front of me as my ministry comes to life. Break Away Ministries is happening right now. God is using me right now where I am. And it’s insanely beautiful because He is doing the work, not me. I am not forcing anything to happen, but am simply saying “Yes, Lord” with whatever details and instruction He gives. There are no words to describe the freedom this brings.
As a dear friend told me today, I am okay with waiting on the promises of God. For I know the longer it takes, God is making all of the pieces come together. The longer I wait, the more deeply rooted His work will be. Instant gratification shall not last, but with Christ being the foundation, with the work being deeply rooted in Christ, His promises will last. I am tired of temporary and fake. I long for the real and lasting. I long to live my life by the Gospel and bring love to a hurting and broken world. I am thankful for the work God has done and will do. I know He will finish His work in His time. For now, I am at peace. I am content to walk in the abundant life God has for me. And dear hearts, I pray you too find this abundant life that only God can bring. ❤