“Instead of your shame you will have a double portion, And instead of humiliation they will shout for joy over their portion. Therefore they will possess a double portion in their land. Everlasting joy will be theirs.” (Isaiah 61:7 NASB)
I wanted to open this post with a Word from God, and this just happened to be the verse for the day on my Bible app. However, due to the nature of this blog, this verse is very fitting. During my senior year of high school God introduced this theme of double portion to me, and I found it fascinating. I felt like it was a promise He was going to weave into my story. Honestly, I have not thought about that for years until now. Reading Isaiah 61 we know about the affliction of the Israelites. However, even though this affliction was brought upon themselves by their own sin and disobedience, God was (and is) still faithful and promises to exact them, one of the ways is this double portion. It is fitting that I read this today because this afternoon God revealed to me how one of His promises to me is coming true in my life, and gives me hope for the future of more promises that are to come.
I have always been super careful in labeling something as a promise for God. I have not had very many of these in the course of my lifetime, but I have had a few that I know without a shadow of a doubt have come from Him. Some have been fulfilled and I am still waiting on others. One thing I am sure of, that God who began a work in me will finish it until completion (Philippians 1:6). Six years ago this month God birthed in me a promise. I had just returned from a life-changing mission trip and God spoke over me a promise, that He would be in women’s ministry, and that one day I would speak and write. Almost three years later, He gave this ministry a name, Break Away Ministries. I knew the purpose of this ministry would be to help women break away from their busyness, from being caught up in stress and frustration or whatever they were in, to spend time with the Lord and with each other. Time went by and it seemed like this promise would never be fulfilled. In fact, months ago I questioned whether or not I had heard from God correctly on this. Yet, over the past couple months, God has been doing some amazing things in my life, and three years later I see this promise coming true. I now see that God had to do some major work in my life to get me ready for this promise, and it has been worth the wait.
I have spoken briefly to certain people about the darkness I faced last year. For most of 2015 into the beginning of 2016 there was a darkness in my life. I was depressed and confused, lonely and miserable. The hardest thing I could not understand was why. I remember talking to my husband one evening and he said to me, “I don’t understand why you’re so miserable-you’ve got everything you’ve ever wanted.” He was absolutely correct and that was the question I had been asking myself for months. For eight years of my life, EIGHT, I thought my purpose was to be a stay-at-home wife and mother. I got my 4-year degree, did the hard work and had my “back-up”, but I was finally living what I had dreamed about for EIGHT years. Except, it wasn’t at ALL what I had dreamed. I indeed was miserable, and I could not understand why.
That fall I made the decision to start looking for a job. I was tired of not having any money for our family to have some freedom to do things like eating out or going away on day trips. We paid the bills and nothing was ever cut off, but it was tighter than ever. Plus, I realized I just needed to get out of the house and be with adults. In December I got my first “big girl” job at Verizon and it seemed like a dream come true. At first, I was really excited and it seemed like everything was great, but it wasn’t and though the darkness lifted for a moment, I slipped into further darkness. I became very selfish and consumed. My life pretty much consisted of my sleeping, eating, and working and that was it, leaving my husband to do everything else. I started having health problems and was diagnosed as a diabetic, type 1, which meant I would be insulin-dependent for the rest of my life. I went through some major changes, but much to my surprise, did not fall apart. God gave me in early January my word for the year, “Held”, and He has continued to hold me throughout everything I’ve gone through this year. Still, my family life felt like it was falling to pieces. My marriage was strained and I never saw my precious daughter anymore. One Saturday at work I fell apart on my managers and realized I was done there. Immediately, I could actually physically feel a weight lifted off of me. I worked my last two weeks there and left, not knowing what the future held.
Exactly two weeks later I got information from a close source that there was a temporary position opening up at Georgia College, and just a week later I was offered the position. 25 days after leaving Verizon I was back working full time, a true miracle to me. I never could have imagined how crucial this position would be, but God appointed it perfectly and aligned it to His will and put me in the right place at the right time with the right people. He gave me an amazing boss who spent time with me furthering my leadership and mentoring me, and just in the past two months I have grown tremendously. While there, I spent a few weeks learning about myself: my personality, my values, and my strengths. Then, he worked with me to help me form my destiny statement. He explained to me that a destiny statement basically explains your purpose. You’re a Christian and you are here to do God’s will, to further His Kingdom, but how are you going to do that. I knew that God uniquely designed me for a purpose, but I had never spent a whole lot of time looking into what this meant for me. Sure, I had ideas of things I wanted to do, but those were mostly constructed by the environments I had been in and people I was around. For about three weeks we worked on this. He explained to me that your destiny statement is made up of three parts: destiny (why), cause (be), and calling (do). I had to find out why I am here, who I am to be, and what am I called to do. After a long process, God finally revealed to me the specific wording of these and I knew it was perfect when it was finished.
I’ve been mulling this over for a couple of weeks since the completion and have thought to myself, “Okay, God. What next? Let’s see what you do with this.” Since then I have had some struggles and one night had gotten down. My soul just felt heavy and so I cried out to God, “When will Your promises be fulfilled? Lord, I’m so tired of waiting. It feels like this will never come true.” He softly encouraged me and I became at peace again, but there was still a longing in my heart…
*For the continuation, please see the following blog, “Coming Together”