This isn’t something I had planned on sharing, but when the Spirit leads you to do something, well, you do it. This weekend I was at my church’s ladies retreat and one of the things I prayed was “I don’t want to speak until You speak” (lyrics from a song that’s been on my heart actually). Last night as I journaled God blessed me with a vision of His glory and I feel Him leading me to type that journal entry and share it. So, here it is 💜
I’ve been living unsurrendered, terrified, anxious, and gripping certain areas of my life with white-knuckled, tightly-clenched fists. I have very blatantly, stupidly told You, “NO!” And now I see myself. My tiny, pathetic, self in the true light, standing before You – the Almighty, Great I AM. How dare I act this way? The words, “Woe is me!” flash across my mind as I picture myself – this tiny shadow – standing before a great and mighty mountain of You, with flashes of lightning and thunder of Your splendor and glory at the top of the mountain. I stand at the bottom of the mountain looking up, not trembling for fear of punishment, but trembling in utter awe of Your glory, at my Creator. For Your glory does not bring wrath to me because I am Yours, Your beloved. No, instead I am gazing upon Your majesty, Your magnificent display of brilliance dancing across the clouds, across the sky at the top of this mountain.
Is it day, or is it night? I cannot tell, for the only light that is here in this moment is You – for Your glory fills this whole moment. And for this moment, though I don’t see Your face, I can feel it. I can feel the warmth of your presence like the radiance of the sun shining on my cheeks. But alas, it is You, Lord, and You are far greater than the sun, for you are Creator God, I AM.
For this moment I sigh peacefully, breathing fully, thinking clearly, completely memorized in Your presence. You, the Almighty God, and just me, laid bare before You, nothing hidden; just me as I am before the Great I AM.
Oh, how I long for Your presence Lord! It is majestic and powerful, yet calming to my soul, silencing all my fears. Here I am before You, expecting to feel the weight of my sin and failure and shame. But I come up empty, for I don’t feel them at all. They have no place here in the beautiful, perfect presence of the Lord. No sin, no sorrows, no regrets, no shame. For the blood of Your perfect, spotless lamb took away my debt and I’m no longer a slave to those things. No, here I stand, shamelessly before Your glorious presence as Your daughter, Your beloved, safe and secure.
I close my eyes to take in this feeling and I feel the presence of Your loving arms wrapped tightly, securely, around me. You are my safety, my shelter, and I have all the security I need in You. I am at ease, at rest, in the arms of my Savior. I am surrendered. Any walls that were there are gone. Any brokenness I felt is gone. For my Father makes me whole.
Surrendered. Safe. Secure. In His everlasting, ever-loving, strong arms. And before this wonderful display of His glory ends He whispers to me, “This does not ever have to end. My glory, My presence, My radiance, My love, My arms – all of Me in inside of You, for My Spirit resides in you. And one day I will return for You, my bride, to take you home.”
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